Each day brings some kind of gloom in my life. I pray so hard that my teeth are sore from gritting. My stomach can’t handle being awake and my mind can’t handle thoughts. I’m wishing for some kind of time machine. Some way to reverse this pitiful thing called my life. But I wonder, if you could correct such misfortunes would this be life or some kind of dream where everything is at your control. Unfortunately, the spontaneity of life that makes it so much fun, the first time your hand touches the hand of a girl you like, the way your stomach feels when you go down a steep roller coaster, the way if feels when life is just plain good, is also what makes life so difficult or unbearable at times. When you made a mistake you never foresaw happening and prayed that you’d do anything to take it back, but it was done; getting caught cheating on a test, girlfriend dumping you over months of stubbornly refusing to change, losing the respect of people you care about in a matter of moments. Life is so unpredictable and yet we try to approach each day in a predictable manner.
We as people bore easy. We have too many options and yet we can never find the time to do anything. We watch old re-runs of Friends or CSI instead of doing something truly productive and rewarding with our time. We like to talk about what we ‘use to be’ or what we ‘are going to do in the future’. But many of us never complete what we set out to do. Many of us start, but few cross the finish the line. Along the way we run into distractions such as school, job, love, family, hobbies, etc. Some of us run into more positive detours like realizing we already have our dreams and don’t need to be chasing things we don’t need or really even want.
And that’s what it boils down to. What do we want out of our life? It’s the question or mystery that connects every person in the world and yet separates us in our own unique way. But why is it in a world where everything seems to be at your fingertips are more people finding it hard to find ‘what they want to do in their life’. Why is this simple question so incredibly complicated? For me, it’s the fear of making the wrong decision or the fear of failing and having to start over. The irony of my fear is that it keeps me idle or paralyzed from ever truly taking a step toward my purpose. It’s worse than being in a cave full of incredibly large, hairy spiders. I know in that situation I would be running, scrapping, clawing my way out of that cave with every bit of my might. So why doesn’t my fear of failure or making a wrong decision fuel me the way an arachnid filled cave would? Maybe I’d be paralyzed with fear in the cave too. I’d like to think not, but maybe rather than trying to change my situation and get out of the cave, my fear of one wrong step here or complete failure would result in a spider salad. Maybe my worst fears come true.
There is one thing I do know out of all this, if I stay in the cave then I have no shot of bettering my situation. Much like life because if I stay idle in my life than there is no shot of bettering it, whether it be job, love, family, dreams, etc. Get out of the cave. You may take a few wrong steps, but that only shows you what the right path is and just because you may not get out the first time, doesn’t mean you quit looking for the light. Find the light, find your path, and discover what you use to only be dreaming of.
inciteful
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